The Collinses
by YesIEatQuiche
Summary: It was just another normal day at the Collins' humble abode, until they received a surprising letter from Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Now the Darcy's are staying for a fortnight. Hilarity ensues. This is my first fanfic, please read and rep!
1. Unexpected News

The Collinses

**A/N This is my very first fanfic. I'm sorry if the Austen-esque language sounds a tad forced – it's been a while since I last read ****Pride and Prejudice****. I hope I do it justice. Reviews are welcome. ^^ Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Of course I do not own ****Pride and Prejudice**** or any of the characters in said book. I could never have come up with Mr. Collins on my own. But I do own this fanfic. **

Chapter 1 – Unexpected News

"My dear Charlotte, I do believe it is _that_ time of day."

"Whatever do you mean Mr. Collins?" his dear Charlotte replied. In actuality, Mrs. Collins was aware of the exact time of day. She was constantly reminded, each day at five o'clock _sharp_ that the esteemed Lady Catherine de Burgh would be sending her man out to invite them to dine.

"Indeed how can you be so dull wife? It is – Lady Catherine – her esteemed ladyship. If she could but see you now. I dearly pray our child does not take up your brains."

Charlotte took a deep breath and rubbed her stomach absentmindedly. She had chosen this life and was comfortably situated. Yes quite content. Perfectly, in fact. With new found peace of mind, Charlotte smiled.

"Pray tell what her ladyship says."

"Tell what might I ask? Again I pray the Lord does not bestow your brains upon our child. Her man has not yet arrived. He must be running late…dreadful storm yesterday…terrible roads… But now that you mention it Charlotte, I forgot to mention what her ladyship remarked about the storm the other day…quite ingenious…"

No further invitation was needed. Mr. Collins recounted the ladyships' whole week for his Charlotte, though undoubtedly, Charlotte thought, she would be subject to hearing it again when they dined at Rosings Sunday.

When the letter arrived, Mr. Collins intercepted it. He had been waiting for the man at the door – holding the door open in fact. Mr. Collins was in a fuss about the letter, so Charlotte stayed put. Best leave him to his antics for now, she sighed.

Mrs. Collins watched her husband tear at the envelope – rather violently, she thought. She glanced up at the tall grandfather clock in their hallway – a gift from Lady Catherine herself. It read five o'four. Mrs. Collins sighed again. Mr. Collins was undoubtedly worried something was the matter. He always praised the ladyship with punctuality, among countless other things…

Meanwhile Mr. Collins was still having troubles opening the note.

"Blasted envelope," he muttered.

Mrs. Collins was in shock. Her husband hardly ever swore. 'The devil's tongue' he called it. She glanced at the clock a second time. It read five o'six. Mrs. Collins knew her husband must be getting rather frantic by now. Sure enough she spotted some drops of sweat sliding down his long crooked nose and dripping onto the envelope with a splat. Charlotte sighed yet _again_. Mr. Collins was in quite a frenzy. She thought it best to intervene.

"Mr. Collins?" said his wife.

Mr. Collins grunted in response, still fiddling with the seal on the letter.

"Might I suggest we use the novelty letter opener my father sent me last Michaelmas?"

Another grunt was the reply. And so Mrs. Collins hurried off to the study, fetching the letter opener. When she returned, Mr. Collins had made absolutely no headway.

"Give it here dear," Mrs. Collins said in her maternal tone. Mr. Collins handed the letter over in defeat. In a nice, swift movement Mrs. Collins opened the letter.

"Genius wife, genius! Maybe it will not be quite so bad if _one_ of our children inherits your brains. Wait 'til Lady Catherine hears! Or on second thought…" Mr. Collins trailed off. Undoubtedly he wished to hide his letter escapade from Lady Catherine, his wife noted.

As soon as Charlotte opened the letter, Mr. Collins snatched it right out of her hands, giving her a slight cut in his haste. She flinched.

Mr. Collins had his full attention on the letter from her ladyship, so it passed unnoticed. He read through it quickly a first time, and then a second. The former was to pick up the gist of the contents, the latter to admire her ladyship's hand. It was another thing he constantly praised. After many "hmm's" and "ah her ladyship's" Mr. Collins pocketed the letter.

"Quite civil, really quite civil I say. Yes her ladyship is always so very civil."

"What is it Mr. Collins?"

"Wife – her ladyship – so civil…" Mr. Collins was at a loss of words. "Listen to her civilness: _'I am sorry to inform'_ –"

Charlotte made a feeble attempt to prevent him from reading the whole of the letter aloud. "Mr. Collins, why don't I –"

"'_you that_ –'"

"just read it myself as to –"

"'_I am unable to invite you to dine on account of my nephew Mr. Darcy joining me Sunday for a fortnight with his newlywed._'" He looked up.

Mr. Collins had his wife's attention. "Yes go on," she bade him.

"Why that is all her ladyship sends." He took a slight pause. "Such a civil note. Don't you agree my Charlotte?"

His Charlotte was in a shock. Not only had they just made fools of themselves tearing open a letter for the past half hour, but dear Elizabeth was coming to Rosings! Elizabeth – at Rosings – with Mr. Darcy! Charlotte smiled fully for the first time that day. Elizabeth was sure to liven things up.

"Yes, Mr. Collins, quite civil indeed."

A/N …so… what do you think? Should I continue it? Please read and rep, your critics are most welcome.


	2. Another Day

The Collinses

A/N Thank you everyone for your reviews. They keep me inspired. Anywho here's the next chapter. Hope you like it ^^

**Disclaimer: Nothing has changed and as I am not Jane Austen I obviously do not own ****Pride and Prejudice****. I do own this fanfiction however…**

Chapter 2- Another Day

"Wife!"

Mr. Collins' shout filled the house, eventually reaching Charlotte in her room. It was Saturday already, and dear Lizzy was due to arrive the following day, thought Charlotte. She was quite looking forward to seeing Elizabeth again – she had not set eyes upon her since she became Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy. A smile played on Charlotte's face. Mr. Collins had originally wanted to be the pastor at the wedding, but everyone, including herself, had been so horrified by the idea that it never came to be. His severe reverence towards her ladyship, if nothing else, prompted Mr. Collins to step down without much fuss; for her ladyship, from the start, never approved of the engagement. This matter puzzled Charlotte considerably. Why would the Darcy's be coming to visit when there was clearly much animosity on Lady Catherine's side?

"Wife! where are you? I have a matter of the utmost importance to discuss with you."

"I am coming downstairs Mr. Collins."

"In that case my dear Charlotte, meet me in my garden.'

Charlotte made her way outside to the garden that Mr. Collins tended himself. It was really a beautiful garden, even Lady Catherine said so. According to her, it could not compete with Rosings (of course), but it was a good deal nicer than the prettyish sort of wilderness that occupied the Bennet's household. Mr. Collins saw this as the highest complement, but also as a challenge to improve the Bennet's garden – once he was in ownership of their house after Mr. Bennet's passing, which he could not help but hope was drawing nearer.

"There you are Charlotte! Have you ever seen such a garden? Lady Catherine praised it herself you remember. What can make one's abode more humble than a garden? The answer simply, is nothing. A garden gives off the most humble essence of the mind, which of course, is pleasing to her ladyship, in all her affability."

"Did you need me for something Mr. Collins?" his wife asked.

"…Well…" said he, "I have been finding Lady Catherine's last letter much on my mind lately. Of course it was _oh so_ civil – her ladyship always exudes the highest civility – but I am becoming worried. We have not had the honor of seeing Lady Catherine de Bourgh since the Sunday last. Normally wife we dine at Rosings twice a week. Furthermore we shall not be seeing her this Sunday (except at church) on account of her esteemed nephew. I must admit that I am wondering if somehow we have not been pleasing to her ladyship in some way."

So this was what had been keeping him so quiet lately, thought Charlotte. Mr. Collins had been reflecting on her ladyship's approval of him. Matters such as these were Charlotte's strength. She could be quite persuasive if need be.

"Why Mr. Collins, I do not see why you need to spend time worrying on this subject –"

"You don't? But her ladyship –"

"Mr. Collins, need I remind you that her ladyship is expecting visitors? Undoubtedly she requires time to make Rosings more impressive than usual with the visit of her nephew. He does live at Pemberly after all."

"Her ladyship's estate always looks impressive my wife."

"Yes," said his wife, "but with visitors comes great preparation. Her ladyship is busy.

"If it eases your mind Mr. Collins, I was taking my morning stroll and I heard not one word of Mr. and Mrs. Darcy's coming. Surely, it should be the topic of discussion, but it seems to me it has been a rather well kept secret. Need I mention the honor her ladyship bestowed upon us by alerting us of her nephew's arrival? Or the trust she places in you, her clergyman?"

No further encouragement was needed. Mr. Collins was reassured of all his former good opinion of himself in the eyes of her ladyship, if not more so.

Later in the day Charlotte found herself alone in the garden. Suddenly she found her solitude intruded upon by their cook.

"What is it Helen?" Charlotte asked. They were on fairly friendly terms with each other.

"Why ma'am a man jus' came to the door and gave me this here letter. I 'spect it's a matter of importance cuz he mentioned it was on the express post." Helen handed her the letter while explaining.

"Oh, thank you Helen."

"Your welcome, ma'am," Helen replied as is custom. She curtsied and left, leaving Charlotte alone once again.

Charlotte stared at the unopened letter. For some reason she doubted it was from her sister Maria or her father and mother. The only other regular correspondence she kept was Elizabeth. Excited, Charlotte tore at the letter, opening it rather quickly. It was dated from the Darcy's carriage the previous day at 3'o clock in the afternoon, and was as follows:–

_"Dearest Charlotte, I mean not to alarm you with this letter – for nothing is the matter – I just wish to take this piece of paper to inform you of and express my excitement of Mr. Darcy and mine's (though I suppose I should say my husband and mine's) upcoming visit. You have, I am sure, already heard of it from Lady Catherine herself, but you Charlotte, have good sense unlike some and were most likely keen enough to wonder about the reason behind this hasty visit. You may remember that my husband and I are no longer on such cordial terms with her ladyship that she bestows upon you and your husband. Of course this is because Lady Catherine has never looked kindly upon our marriage. When Mr. Darcy announced the engagement to her ladyship by letter, her reply was abusive (mostly towards myself) to say the least and Mr. Darcy was determined to ignore his aunt forever. I've been trying to persuade him for some time now to let go of the offence and make amends. You see Charlotte; I do not wish to be a cause of family troubles for him, even though I do not have such a high opinion of her ladyship myself. So after much persuasion I finally made Mr. Darcy give way, and, after a bit of reluctance on Lady Catherine's side, we succeeded in curbing her resentment. Now we are due to spend a fortnight at Rosings, which brings me to the second part of my letter: I am very excited to be seeing you again! It shall be like old times. If there is one person whose company I am looking forward to being in, it is yours Charlotte. We shall have loads of fun! – but now I am reminding myself too much of Lydia. You will have to come walk with me at Rosings each day. I believe I will first see you at church on Sunday. I ask you, as an old friend, please try to refrain Mr. Collins from paying us special attention at mass if possible. Oh Mr. Darcy has just noticed my frown (for I just frowned at the prospect of an embarrassing sermon) – he will want to know what is distressing me. Charlotte I am determined to ignore him; do not worry I tease him frequently and he doesn't mind much. Oh he has just asked me about my frown. I will not answer. He asked me again. I will just keep writing Charlotte, I cannot be bothered by anyone when I am writing a letter to a dear old friend, not even my husband. Oh bother he has given up on words and is repositioning himself right across from me. You need not worry Charlotte, I can hold my own and have no intention of giving in. It seems he is now attempting to catch my eye. I will just look out the window: we are riding through a beautiful part of the countryside – everything is so green Charlotte. Sometimes I find myself wishing I had a skill for gardening like your Mr. Collins! That talent has passed by me it seems. Oh no Mr. Darcy just grabbed hold of my face and is trying to force me to look at him. I cannot do anything. I suppose I will have to close my eyes…..I'm sorry Charlotte it seems I've lost. You see after Mr. Darcy grabbed hold of my face I found myself a tad distracted by his touch, I must admit. Then he _may_ have used his lips to somehow open my eyes, as married couples have sanction to do. Anyway I've explained to him I am writing you a letter and he wishes to add a bit himself:_

_Dear Mrs. Collins, I hope you find yourself comfortably situated in my aunt's parsonage. From my knowledge she is quite attentive to your husband. I am sure you know of our coming from Elizabeth. I am looking forward to being in your company during our stay at Rosings. You are such a good friend to my Elizabeth and I thank you for that. Right now Elizabeth is tapping her hand excessively on the seat so I assume she has something she wishes to say. I will see you Sunday, and good day._

_Hello again Charlotte (it's Elizabeth), I just remembered that in your last letter you said you may have some surprise news for me concerning yourself and my cousin. Please if you are expecting your family to become a threesome, then rather than alluding to it mysteriously, set me straight when you see me next. But congratulations in advance for I do not know what else you could have meant by it. I am very excited for you, and to see you, but I must bid you goodbye for now. I shall see you Sunday._

"MRS ELIZABETH DARCY"

"Wife what are you laughing at?" Mr. Collins had heard Charlotte giggling at Elizabeth's stubborn spirit that was present even in her letter. She was looking forward to the Darcy's visit now more than ever.

"Oh it is nothing Mr. Collins. I just found myself amused at something Elizabeth said in her letter."

"Hmm well yes my cousin can be rather spirited when she wants to. Luckily I found that out and married Charlotte instead, for a humble wife is what most pleases her ladyship," Mr. Collins muttered to himself.

"What was that Mr. Collins?" Charlotte had not heard what Mr. Collins was muttering about.

"Oh nothing, nothing wife. Just thinking how lucky we are that the Darcy's are civil enough to pay a visit to her ladyship."

A/N So…did you like the chapter? It was longer than the last one…which is good. But there wasn't as much talking between characters…I think… I am really anxious to hear your thoughts about it. You know what to do: read and rep! Please and thank you ^^


	3. A Not So Prayerful Service

The Collinses

**A/N I'm sorry I didn't update sooner…I must admit I was stalling a little cause I find it harder to write about Mr. and Mrs. Darcy. But I got past that (somewhat) and here's the chapter. You know the drill: read and rep!**

**Disclaimer: Why would I impersonate Jane Austen? Alas, she is dead. The only thing I own is this fanfic ^^**

Chapter 3 – A Not So Prayerful Service

Mrs. Charlotte Collins was sitting in her room, worrying a great deal about what may seem like nothing to some. Charlotte had always been skilled at performing more than one task at once; she could both sit perfectly still while her maid fixed her hair for church and worry simultaneously. Yes, the much anticipated Sunday had finally come, and there was much to worry about and for, at least in Charlotte's mind.

She had endeavored to caution Mr. Collins on his behavior in church – even taken pains to attempt to discover what he meant to say during his sermon, and see if he planned to make reference to the Darcy's coming in it. Charlotte considered it a good deal likely for he referenced her ladyship nearly every mass. Undoubtedly he would view it as paying his complements to both Lady Catherine and her nephew, by singling them out in his sermon. But Charlotte was a good friend, and took Eliza's pleas to heart, and knew that if any sort of reference were made Elizabeth would be sorely embarrassed for Mr. Darcy's sake. And being of logical mind, Charlotte figured that if Lizzy were unhappy, Mr. Darcy's happiness would be in severe jeopardy as well. Mr. Collins, of course, had refused to give Charlotte any kind of hint as to what the sermon was to be about, despite her endeavors to reason with him. She found that on some points Mr. Collins could be quite stubborn if he wanted to, and took up worrying about the results of his upcoming sermon instead.

Meanwhile, Mr. Collins was all ease. After his wife's assurances the other day, he was even more looking forward to the Darcy's arrival, if possible. He was also highly anticipating the renewed dinner invitations to Rosings that he so dearly missed. And although Lady Catherine never much approved of his cousin's marrying Mr. Darcy, Mr. Collins had always looked highly upon it. This unusual difference of opinion stemmed from the fact that Mr. Collins saw their marrying as an opportunity to be even closer to her ladyship. Elizabeth being his cousin, and Mr. Darcy being Lady Catherine's nephew, Mr. Collins viewed himself as being more intimately attached to his ladyship's family than ever before. He intended to fully enjoy himself with the coming of the Darcy's, and after proving to Elizabeth how happy he and Charlotte continued to be, he would begin to do so.

When Charlotte's maid was finally finished with her hair, she made her way downstairs to Mr. Collins.

"Why wife, you look simply ravishing! Words cannot describe. If our children inherit your looks and my brains, they will be the envy of all of Kent!"

Mrs. Collins blushed, unaccustomed to her husband's praise, and muttered a hasty thanks. In truth, Charlotte did look rather pretty, for someone who was always being so plain. When her hair was done just so, the improvement of her looks was remarkable. Her visage gained structure, and her eyes had somewhat of a sparkle in them. Pleased that she was presentable, Charlotte suggested they had better be off to Church.

"Right you are, right you are wife. I of all people should be the first one there, and as it would damage her honorable ladyship's opinion of me if I arrived after her, we had best be off. My I didn't realize how late it was getting. Hurry Charlotte, make haste! Her ladyship is always so very punctual, and if you delay much longer she shall surely beat us there. Make haste! now is not the time for talk."

Without any further comment from Charlotte, the two set off to mass.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Charlotte found herself at quite a loss as to how the situation she was in had happened. Mass had started normal enough, but had taken a dreadful turn sometime in the middle of Mr. Collins' sermon. He had formerly been talking of matrimony, and one's duty to the church, which was very fitting to the Sunday reading. Charlotte had been nodding her approval throughout the mass, but once Mr. Collins switched topics she could barely contain her gasp of shock.

"Now that we have a common understanding of our duty to matrimony," said he, with a pause and a glance towards his wife, "let me educate you young folk on the proper way to conduct behavior before marital status between the sexes.

"Before I continue let me just profess that God in no way approves of sexual intercourse before taking vows of holy matrimony. And elopement is, as always, utterly forbidden. Although, as I observe, the blame of elopement most often lies on the woman, for in that case she has not the conscience to disapprove of the match no matter how it is contrived. Ladies I speak solely to you: know that elopement is the devil's work and does not shed a pleasing light on you in the eyes of God."

Mr. Collins took a pause to collect his notes and turn the page of his written sermon. During this time Charlotte took a chance to glance at the Darcy's and de Bourgh's. Anne was looking sickly, as usual and Lady Catherine was the only one who looked tolerably pleased. No doubt she agreed wholeheartedly with what Mr. Collins was saying and believed it was under her influence that he said such things. The Darcy's were looking less comfortable: Lizzy, Charlotte perceived, would look normal to some, but with her experienced eye she could detect an awkward air and even a faint blush; Mr. Darcy looked somewhat uninterested, but on closer observance Charlotte could detect some emotion in his eyes that was not unlike anger. Charlotte figured Lizzy must have her mind on Lydia, but as to what Mr. Darcy had his mind on, Charlotte could not hazard a guess.

"Ah yes," Mr. Collins continued, "how one should behave before one is married. I find I can educate you best on how _not_ to behave. Your own conscience must vouch for the rest. How _not_ to behave… well _first_ let me express that all a man has to do is act in a gentleman-like manner, so to speak. Women however, are harder to instruct. In my day I have observed more than one impertinent woman, uneducated on how would be best to act. Yes, impertinence is the worst vice a woman can have. And as we all know from scripture, we all are sinners and no one is exempt from vices.

"For example, when a gentleman pays a woman special intentions, she should not shun him, but give him due respect. And if the man continues his advances in due admiration and proposes a respectable match between the two, the last thing the woman should chance to do is decline the engagement. This is the most selfish, impertinent, and wholly unwomanly behavior I have ever chanced to observe. Take care ladies to avoid that kind of unbecoming behavior, lest you wish yourself to fall in respect of those who generally are much respected.

"On that note I would like to take this time to welcome Mr. and Mrs. Darcy who come for a fortnight to stay with my patroness Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy, who I must mention is my cousin, has newly acquired that title, and after their stay at the esteemed Rosings Park, they shall return to Mr. Darcy's vast estate of Pemberly, which by and by is in the beautiful county of Derbyshire, to do, er, what married couples have sanction to do.

"Now let us all stand and profess the creed…"

The remainder of the mass passed quickly for Charlotte, for she barely paid attention to it. Instead she was observing the continence of the Darcy's, particularly Elizabeth's. She detected that they were both embarrassed, especially from Mr. Collins' last point, for both of them looked in the opposite direction and Lizzy looked like she might even burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. Charlotte was somewhat embarrassed herself that Mr. Collins had so pointedly reprimanded Lizzy for refusing him at the time he proposed to her. Yes, Charlotte knew of his first proposal – Lizzy herself had told her – but everything had worked out for the better, she thought. Why Mr. Collins found the need to bring it up again was beyond her. Whatever the reason, Mr. and Mrs. Darcy looked like they had never recovered their embarrassment for the rest of mass.

"…And now go forth in peace and love to serve the Lord," dictated Mr. Collins.

"Thanks be to God," the congregation responded.

Mass had ended so Mr. Collins walked out of the church to take his place greeting the congregation as they left. Charlotte made her way more slowly, staring decidedly at her feet. When she glanced up, she found Lizzy standing before her, having separated herself from the de Bourgh's and Mr. Darcy.

"Why Charlotte, how pleased I find myself to finally be seeing you! How are you?" Elizabeth inquired.

"Very well, Elizabeth, I thank you. But before we catch up like old friends I must express my apology for my husbands behavior, since I believe you will not be hearing one from the man himself." Charlotte sighed. "I gave many hints, like you asked in your letter, each becoming more and more obvious, but Mr. Collins, as you saw, took no heed to my warnings. I'm deeply sorry."

"Do not worry yourself so much Charlotte. I was a little shocked, but that is it. It is to be expected in fact. Mr. Darcy is fine as well. We shall have something to laugh about later, I suppose."

They exchanged pleasantries and inquired about the other's family as they walked to the church entrance. There they found Lady Catherine in conversation with Mr. Collins. Anne and Mr. Darcy were there as well.

"That was a good deed you did in your sermon today, Mr. Collins," her ladyship said, "I trust many a lady will take your advice to heart. I am glad I was of use to you when you were writing it."

"Oh yes your ladyship, your high opinions were of excellent use to me and –"

"And pray where has Mrs. Darcy been? Oh there you are. But why did you feel the need to stay behind in church? Oh I see you have brought Mrs. Collins with you. Mrs. Collins I was just congratulating your husband on his excellent sermon today. He said I was of infinite use while he was writing it."

"Yes, yes, Charlotte, I always had her ladyship in mind when I –" Mr. Collins held his hand in front of his mouth to keep himself from talking, for her ladyship had continued as if there had been no interruption.

"By the by Mrs. Collins, your hair looks excellent today. I am glad I could refer that maid to you. She knows what she does well. She comes from a poor, but respectable family, you see. And I had spoken with her mother, and found her daughter was looking for a job as a maid. 'I know just the person who needs one' said I, and here we are. I am glad you find her pleasing. Now Mr. Darcy, you are being so dull lately. I hope you shall not be like this throughout your entire stay. Which reminds me, Anne and I wish to invite Mr. and Mrs. Collins to a party we are having on Wednesday. You will receive an invitation with the particulars, but –"

"Oh thank you Lady Catherine, for being so thoughtful to inform us in person. I for one – "

"I had thought it best to inform you in person, as you say Mr. Collins."

"Your ladyship is too kind."

"Ah there is the coach – at last. We shall be seeing you later. Come Darcy, help your cousin into the carriage – she is much to sickly to do it herself. Although if her health had allowed her, Anne would have rather enjoyed the exercise. For no one delights in such things such as Anne. Aren't you getting in Darcy? Oh to be sure Mrs. Darcy can fair well on her own – you need not hesitate. _She_ is not so sickly as your poor cousin Anne."

Mr. Darcy was about to protest when Elizabeth spoke up.

"Madam, you are correct. Mr. Darcy, I am perfectly capable of lifting myself into the carriage." She said it sternly, but her eyes where filled with mirth. "Perhaps, you are more in need of _my_ assistance, Mr. Darcy?"

"Why, now that you mention it Mrs. Darcy, I find myself a bit fatigued," he said, playing along. "Would you be so kind as to lend me your arm?"

Lady Catherine could not go so long without saying something. "Fatigued Darcy? You are fine! I dare say Anne is not heavy at all. How can you be so exhausted all of a sudden?"

They paid her no attention. "I suppose I could do as much, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said, offering him her arm. Mr. Darcy took it, and with his wife's help, got into the carriage. Elizabeth followed.

"My I have never seen anything so ridiculous! I say…" Lady Catherine, indeed, had much to say, and continued to reprimand the Darcy's throughout the ride home.

**A/N ….did you guys like it? Please share your thoughts with me! ^^**

**Oh and yes what "married couples have sanction to do" = have sex. Ahaha I'm sorry I just had to say it. Oh Mr. Collins you crack me up haha. **

**Oh and also last night at midnight I had a great idea for the story. I'm not telling though, you will just have to wait for Lady Catherine's party on Wednesday.**

**Just fyi I will be out of town this weekend and will not be on fanfiction. Okay that's it!**


	4. A Most Welcome Call

The Collinses

**A/N Um…I guess I don't have anything to say besides hope you enjoy the chapter! Oh and read and rep, that too. Also I want to take this chance to thank everyone who has reviewed, added this fanfic to your story alerts, and even added it to your favorites XD It means a lot and it keeps me writing. –here: virtual cookies for you all-**

**Dedication: I would like to dedicate this chapter to my friend because it's her birthday. HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN JACKIE!! XD I made some funfetti cupcakes just for you. They're good, try one. Mmmmmm. **

**Disclaimer: I'm starting to wonder if I even need a disclaimer because Jane Austen is d-e-a-d. Well I think anyone with good sense would know that I am not she. I only own this fanfic – nothing else. **

Chapter 4 – A Most Welcome Call

Charlotte was wandering about the Parsonage, rearranging some furniture and various items as to make the general flow of the rooms more pleasing. In short, she was performing her favorite duty as a wife when she heard a most unwelcome interruption.

"Wife!" The sound of a door closing and running footsteps filled the parsonage. Finally, Mr. Collins himself entered the room Charlotte occupied.

"Mr. Collins, you look quite out of breath, do sit down." Charlotte gestured to the chair she had just been rearranging, but Mr. Collins only held his hand up in decline, panting slightly.

"You would not be so out of breath, Mr. Collins, if you spent more time tending the garden, like I tell you. Its exercise is quite beneficial."

Mr. Collins, it would seem, had selective hearing.

"Yes, indeed Charlotte: I was in the garden as usual, and every so often – I could not help myself – I would take a glance at the road, or a glance at Rosings, which of course, is discernable from my garden. We are so lucky, wife, that my humble abode abuts her Ladyship's lovely Park. There I find much inspiration for my gardening. Oh! as I was saying, from my occasional glances, I noticed someone at Rosings is taking the carriage out. There was a bit of a fuss about it, it would seem, for normally her ladyship's carriages are quick to depart, but such was not the case. I believe someone is to call on us."

"Mr. Collins, do not say such things. It is best to not expect and be rewarded than to expect and be disappointed. Her Ladyship most likely has much to do for the party on Wednesday."

"The party! yes, could you believe her Ladyship's thoughtfulness in gracing us with a direct verbal invitation? Such thoughtfulness. I should not be surprised though, her Ladyship is always so very thoughtful to others. She will always think of others before herself. We should be thankful to have such an example of thoughtfulness in our humble neighborhood…"

Mr. Collins intended to talk about Lady Catherine's thoughtfulness for some time, but he was interrupted. Charlotte welcoming this particular interruption, for it was Helen, and she looked to have some good news.

"What is it Helen?" Charlotte asked kindly.

"Why Ma'am, some lady is at the door. She would like to com'in."

"Of course Helen, let her in. Shall we retire to the sitting room, Mr. Collins?"

"Yes wife, excellent idea," said he, and, feeling he must add some sort of advice, said, "wife you had better put your shawl on."

Mrs. Collins looked at her husband quizzically, but put her shawl on anyway and the two retired to the sitting room. Once they were seated, Helen returned.

"Mrs. Darcy ma'am, here to call." With the small introduction, Helen exited the room and Mrs. Darcy stepped into her place.

Charlotte was about to welcome Eliza, when Mr. Collins began speaking first.

"My dear cousin, Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy. I trust you are used to that title? We clergymen never get used to our own titles. It is the mark of the clergyman in fact – we are sometimes too humble for our own good. But cousin, please sit down. I trust Longbourn is in excellent condition? As well as its occupants? Your mother, Mrs. Bennet, must be a good deal pleased with you marrying well above your status. It must have inclined her to forget the unfortunate marriage of her youngest to that officer. If only cousin Lydia had heard my sermon on elopement before it was too late! But I do think many a young lady will find comforting advice from my sermon. Just yesterday, Lady Catherine was so obliged to say 'Mr. Collins, you did a good dead with that sermon today. I trust many a lady will find comfort in it'. You were so kind as to call on us, cousin. I trust her Ladyship is too busy. No, her Ladyship hardly ever calls, I do not know why I ask. But where is Mr. Darcy? Ah, you say Lady Catherine wouldn't let him come; she needed him for some other service. Well what service did Lady Catherine send you on, cousin Elizabeth?"

Charlotte, finding an opportunity to speak up said, "Dear Eliza, I cannot tell you how happy I am to see you. Thank you for calling. I am very glad all of Longbourn fairs well."

"Thank you Charlotte, I am glad to call and see you just as well as you were yesterday. But as you say Mr. Collins, Lady Catherine did send me with some service, for she needed something sent to the Parsonage, and I was planning on coming to call on you anyway. Of course, I was planning on walking and her ladyship would not allow it. I am perfectly able to walk."

"Oh such kindness has her ladyship bestowed upon you, and so early as on your second day here! Whenever one rides in her ladyship's carriage, it is a pleasure. Or I should say _one_ of her ladyship's carriages, for she has _several_. I say, how many carriages do you have at Pemberley? I trust her ladyship has more."

"Mr. Collins!" Charlotte interrupted, blushing slightly, "weren't you just asking Elizabeth what Lady Catherine sent her for?"

"Oh right you are wife. How could I forget? What _did_ her ladyship send you for, cousin?"

"She merely wanted me to deliver the invitation to the party this Wednesday. I believe she already invited you at Church yesterday –"

"Yes! how kind of her. Her Ladyship is all thoughtfulness –"

"but she wanted to give you the real invitation as well."

"How obliging, her Ladyship is all kindness. Is she not Charlotte?"

"Why yes, Mr. Collins, Lady Catherine is a very attentive neighbor."

"Well said, indeed Mrs. Collins, that is exactly what I say. Will you tell her Ladyship, cousin, that I am very thankful for her kindness in bestowing such an invitation, and delivering it to us promptly, and in such civility. Tell her Ladyship that we fully accept the invitation, with gratitude."

"Of course, Mr. Collins, I will tell her exactly that." Elizabeth's lively imagination was already at work as to find the most amusing way to dictate Mr. Collins' ridiculous thanks. She settled it would not be that hard, and would make for a lively dinnertime discussion at Rosings that evening.

"How good of you cousin," was Mr. Collins' reply.

"Why Eliza, since you were so deprived of your walk this morning, would you care to accompany me on a stroll down the road?"

"Excellent idea wife! I shall accompany you two."

"Mr. Collins, I should think you had better stay behind and tend to your garden. The plants were beginning to look rather parched last time I was out."

"I see, thank you for mentioning it to me Charlotte. I take your leave cousin Elizabeth, I must un-parch my plants." Without further comment Mr. Collins left the two ladies in the sitting room.

After Mr. Collins removed himself from the room, Charlotte and Elizabeth began making their way out of the Parsonage for their walk. They began walking in silence, both trying to recover from the things Mr. Collins had said, when finally, Lizzy had to break the silence.

"Oh Charlotte, it feels so nice to stretch my legs. I do wish I had been allowed to walk to your home, but Lady Catherine, of course, was not so obliging as Mr. Collins seems to think."

"Yes she does have a rather sort of oppressive presence. You must learn to tolerate her Lizzy, she is your aunt now. She is just not inclined to have certain things not go her way."

"Be serious Charlotte: she is not inclined to have anything happen in a way that she has not deemed so herself."

"Perhaps. But I am confused, why was Mr. Darcy not allowed to come?"

"I don't know Charlotte. I believe Lady Catherine wanted to have Mr. Darcy to herself without me for a change. I wish I could have rescued him from such a fate, for he did not look very pleased, mind you, but as we have already established, doing something against her Ladyship's wishes goes very ill indeed. No matter, it shall bother me no longer Charlotte."

"Yes, that is the way to think Lizzy, we do not want your stay to be spoilt by minor indifferences."

A chaise passed them on the road, but as it was no one they were acquainted with, Charlotte and Elizabeth continued their walk. However to their surprise, it stopped a little ahead of them and a man servant opened the door.

"Excuse me," said the lady inside, "could you direct me to Lady Jacqueline's estate?"

Elizabeth and Charlotte exchanged quizzical looks.

"You must mean Lady Catherine's estate, it's just down the way," said Elizabeth.

"No, no, it is Lady Jacqueline's estae, Tiffany Park. There is to be a party today."

"Ma'am," put in Charlotte, "You must mean Rosings, there is to be a party on Wednesday."

"No, no, I am quite sure the party is today. You see Sir Edward is so kind as to give Lady Jacqueline a party to celebrate her birth. I'm her intimate friend you see, so I merited an invite."

"I am pleased with your good fortune miss uh miss…" Elizabeth stumbled, not knowing the lady's name.

"Barrett, Miss Barrett," instructed the lady.

"Miss Barrett I'm pleased with your good fortune, but there must be some mistake. Out Lady Catherine has no "sir" anymore."

"Dear me, my driver must have made a mistake. Oh Bryan, you must have made a wrong turn. This is Kings Isle, is it not?"

"No Miss Barrett," said Charlotte, "this is Kent."

"And as you can see, there is no water in sight." Elizabeth could not help but pointing out this absurdity.

"Well I best be off. Let's go Bryan! Thank you ever so much for the help." And with a 'Lady Catherine indeed' and an absurd flick of the wrist, she was gone.

Not quite sure what to make of Miss Barrett, Charlotte and Elizabeth continued as if nothing had happened. Charlotte was just reflecting on what a nice change Lizzy made to her usual morning walks when Elizabeth broke the silence a second time.

"I trust you got my letter, Charlotte?"

"Yes I had the pleasure of reading it this past Saturday. I found it rather amusing."

"Amusing!" Elizabeth exclaimed, trying to sound offended. "Well, then I trust you remember what I meant to ask you once I met with you face-to-face?"

"Yes, I do Lizzy, but for the sake of the conversation, you may as well ask it again."

"Very well. Are you expecting an addition to your family?"

"Yes," answered Charlotte, with a slight blush. They had not even told Lady Catherine yet. Mr. Collins was waiting for the 'most opportune moment', as he put it.

"How soon?"

"I believe roughly eight months."

"Oh Charlotte, I am so happy for you! Your child is sure to inherit all your good sense. Do not let Mr. Collins persuade you otherwise. I dearly hope it is a girl, or a boy, perhaps it doesn't really matter. I am glad you will have another person to keep you company and be attached to you."

Charlotte smiled. Lizzy's comforting words were just what she needed. Although she mostly ignored Mr. Collins' impertinent remarks, they were beginning to pain her to listen to. She was happy to have as good a companion as Lizzy.

"By the by, how are things at Rosings?"

"Her ladyship is trying to impress me as it is my first time staying at Rosings Park. Unfortunately for her, I prefer the elegant, yet simple style of home rather than an ornate one. Yes, after Pemberley, I do not know how she expects me to be wooed by her overdone furnishings." With a smile at Charlotte she added, "Lucky me for being the mistress of Pemberley."

"Yes Lady Catherine does often aim to impress. When she gets tired of furnishing her own house, she looks towards mine. And as Mr. Collins so much welcomes such interference, I cannot have any say in it. I've often noticed how her taste clashes with mine."

"Oh! the horror of having someone's tastes forced upon you, when they are, in fact, the exact opposite of your own! I am thankful Derbyshire is not too close to Rosings. To think what Lady Catherine would do to Pemberley; well it would be spoiling a perfectly good thing, to be frank. And I meant to tell you earlier: your home is arranged very neatly and consistently – I give you all the credit. Despite Lady Catherine's interferences, it is pleasing."

"Why thank you Lizzy, I find much pleasure in it. I love rearranging while Mr. Collins is out in the garden."

"This is where we are different Charlotte: I can enjoy good furnishings, but I have difficulty in imagining them how I wish my own to be. You may have to come to Pemberley and give me advice!"

"Oh Lizzy, stop teasing. I am hardly in any place to give _Mrs. Darcy _advice."

"Who's teasing now? And please, do not say such things. I am still the same Lizzy. You will have to come to Pemberley though, I won't allow you to decline."

"I must comply with whatever Mrs. Darcy asks of me," said Charlotte, still playing along. She rarely got to tease with Mr. Collins, and she was quite enjoying herself.

"You are impossible," replied Elizabeth with a smile. "Since you are in such a good mood, I may as well amuse you more. Pray listen to this: for whatever reason, Lady Catherine will not let Mr. Darcy and I share a room."

"You cannot be serious Lizzy," Charlotte laughed.

"Oh but I am." She said it gravely, but the effect was ruined by some giggles at the end. "Yes the two rooms are not even close to each other! Mine is on one end of Rosings, Mr. Darcy's on the other. We are married, there is no reason why we cannot share rooms," Elizabeth said with a pout.

"Lady Catherine must really not like her new niece, to go out of her way to provoke you like that. But then why did she invite you all to stay?"

"That, Charlotte, is beyond any of us. Although I am starting to think something is going on. Mr. Darcy shares my opinion. I cannot help but feeling there is some big secret that we find ourselves on the outside of."

"Then I must be on the outside as well. We haven't dined at Rosings since this past week (much to Mr. Collins dismay) and are in no sort of secret."

"In that case we must wait till it unfolds. Oh but Charlotte, I did not get to tell you the best part. Mr. Darcy is trying to convince me to sneak out of my room – at night – and venture across Rosings – in the dark – in order to stay with him. How ridiculous. I am not going to do such a thing. Perhaps I could get him to come to my room though. If he gets caught, Lady Catherine won't say anything. Whereas if it were me, I shudder to think the lectures I'll have to sit through. It's settled then. I will tell Mr. Darcy when I see him next. Will you back me up Charlotte?"

"Yes Eliza, but when am I going to see Mr. Darcy? I was under the impression I wouldn't see him until the party Wednesday."

"I told Mr. Darcy to escape from Lady Catherine and take a carriage over to pick me up. He should be at the Parsonage now."

The two ladies quickened their pace, and hurried back the Parsonage. Mr. Darcy, as Elizabeth had expected, was waiting for them outside Mr. Collins humble abode.

Mr. Darcy greeted Charlotte and Elizabeth. "I wish I could have come sooner to join you two on your walk. But perhaps it is best, for you may not have wanted me to intrude on your conversation."

"Yes, Mr. Darcy, we talked of you the whole time, and of Aristotle in between. We were about to discuss which composer's minuets were most pleasing to the ear when you showed up. I'm afraid you would have found the conversation rather lacking."

"Elizabeth," said he with a smile, "you can stop this nonsense. I know you wish to tell me something, and as I find myself unoccupied, I am perfectly willing to hear it."

"In that case, prepare yourself Mr. Darcy, Charlotte and I were talking and –"

"See you really wouldn't have wanted me with you," Mr. Darcy put in. With a look from Elizabeth, he added a hasty, "Sorry, do continue."

"_And_ it shall be _you_ who risks sneaking out of your room. _You_ shall visit _me_," Mr. Darcy gave his Elizabeth a doubting look so she added, "Explain it to him Charlotte."

Mr. Darcy glanced at Charlotte. "Well, yes Mr. Darcy, that was what we decided. It is much to dark for Elizabeth to venture across Rosings. It being your aunt's house, you know it much better. Moreover if you were caught, your aunt wouldn't mind, where if Lizzy were caught bubbling about in the night, she would be subject to many of Lady Catherine's remonstrations. It is best for you to go, Mr. Darcy."

When Mr. Darcy glanced back at Elizabeth, she was smiling a great deal. Charlotte's argument was flawless. No man of good sense could reject it.

"Thank you for shedding light to the circumstance, Mrs. Collins. It seems it would have been impertinent of me to force Lizzy to come to my room. Very well, Elizabeth, I will see you tonight at twelve." With that he bid Charlotte goodbye and offered Elizabeth his arm into the carriage.

"I thought we already established the fact that I am in need of no arm to help me into a carriage," she said archly. "And must we leave just yet? I should like to stay with Charlotte longer."

"I am afraid we must be going. My aunt only let me come when I said I would pick you up. She requires some assistance or other for something."

"Well in that case, Charlotte, I will bid you adieu. I doubt we shall see you tomorrow, for Lady Catherine is unlikely to let us escape when so much is to be done for the party. I shall see you on Wednesday."

"Goodbye, Eliza."

And with that, Elizabeth got in the carriage – unassisted – and the Darcy's were gone.

Nothing else notable happened that Monday, or Tuesday for that matter. Charlotte continued with her housekeeping, and read some more of her book. Mr. Collins was in the garden. She saw him at dinner, and was shown the coveted invitation. It was deemed "civil", "thoughtful", "solicitous", "attentive", and "capital" all in one breath by Mr. Collins. Charlotte's only reply was that he should take some refreshment for the exertion of his vocals.

Tuesday brought much of the same. Charlotte kept to herself, and as the good weather continued, she encouraged Mr. Collins to benefit from exercise in the garden. He complied, and the day passed with little interaction between the two. Charlotte preferred it that way. She was not in want of Mr. Collins' company, but of Elizabeth's. Charlotte had hoped Lizzy would be able to visit again, but the day passed without the two seeing each other. Compared the excitement of the past two days, Tuesday seemed rather dull to Charlotte. She refused to reflect on the fact that how she spent Tuesday was how she normally spent her days at the Parsonage. But Charlotte was not inclined to moping, and she soon focused all her attention on one thing: the party. Yes, she was greatly anticipating the party at Rosings Park the following day, for it brought the promise of the good company she was currently in lack of.

**A/N Wow that was my longest chapter yet. I'd be very interested to hear what you guys thought of it. Was everyone in character? Oh and sorry even though it was long, it was mainly intended as a filler chapter. I want to write about the party  That being said, I'm afraid this chapter may have lacked funniness or even have been (GASP) b-o-r-i-n-g. So let me know what you thought, good and bad. ^^**

**Also if you didn't understand the whole Lady Jacqueline and Miss Barrett thing, well I put it in for a friend and it's not very important so you can just skip over it.**

**Oh! I almost forgot: just fyi, I wrote a oneshot about Mansfield Park cause I just finished reading it. I'd suggest reading it if you've read the book and/or watched the movie, otherwise it may be severely lacking in sense. So it's called "The Proposal" (hmm, I wonder what it could be about)…**


	5. The Party at Rosings

The Collinses

A/N I know it's been a while since I last updated. My only excuse is that I just started a summer art class last week and I got caught up in the Harry Potter mania. It's been kind of crazy. So hope you enjoy the chapter! ^^

**Disclaimer: **_**Pride and Prejudice**_** = not mine**

Chapter 5 – The Party at Rosings

The sound of a door being shut rather violently filled the parsonage, followed by many a hurried footstep into the sitting room.

"Wife!" exclaimed Mr. Collins, "I bid you must come at once. I desire the honor of showing you something in my garden, which you so rightly encourage me in attending. It is exactly right, not to mention her Ladyship finds it a most pleasing and fitting pastime to a clergyman of my status. I still can scarcely believe the good fortune I came across in acquiring Lady Catherine as a patroness, for indeed, there is no one who could be more concerned with the general affairs of the church. No problem is beneath her! her advice reaches all ears, and, of course, people shall follow it. It is a most pleasing notion, my dear Charlotte, we are most honored by her Ladyship's advice and good opinion. Why just last week…"

His dear Charlotte, having set down what she had previously been working on before Mr. Collins' interruption, endeavored to remind him why he had sought out her company in the first place. "Mr. Collins, what was it you so wished to show me?"

"Yes, her Ladyship is all affability and condescension. What was that wife? Oh, yes I had nearly forgotten, I should like to show you something in the garden. Make haste!"

Mr. Collins followed his own good advice, and made his way quickly out the door to the garden. Charlotte followed behind more slowly, but followed nonetheless. Mr. Collins stopped at his vegetable garden and waited for Charlotte.

"Observe these cabbages," the man said to his wife. "Why just last week they were so dismal and sickly looking. Look at them now! such improvement over such a small time."

Charlotte examined the cabbages. Indeed they were rather large for cabbages, and positively green.

"They do seem much improved Mr. Collins."

"That is exactly what I say! how we think alike. But this improvement is not just of my own doing. Though, forgive me, I believe I possess some skill in the garden, the rapid improvement is due to the most gifted advice of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She graced me with it last week, when I had chanced to mention my ailing cabbages. She said 'Mr. Collins, no one knows such things as I do (which of course, is very true wife). Pray, how often do you water and cultivate the earth beneath these cabbages?' I answered her, truthfully, once a day. Her ladyship replied 'Why Mr. Collins, you cannot expect to grow cabbages under such conditions. From now on, follow my advice, and water and cultivate them at least twice a day. Perhaps three if you are able. I will not have your cabbages looking so dull.' Indeed dear Charlotte, I took her advice and tended my cabbages three times a day. Sometimes it was even four – I hope her ladyship does not see this as taking a liberty. And behold the wonderful results! Have you ever seen such cabbages?"

Charlotte barely had time to reply in the negative before Mr. Collins went on.

"And all thanks to her Ladyship. I must remember to thank her for her kindness tonight."

"Her Ladyship will be most pleased to find her advice reaping such rewards." Charlotte said it without giving much thought to the subject. She was preoccupied with pondering what the events of tonight might bring, for today Wednesday, and they were to be at Rosings promptly at six o'clock.

"Nicely said, wife."

Charlotte began to make her way back inside when something from the road caught both her's and Mr. Collins' attention. A carriage they had never seen before was heading down the road, undoubtedly to Rosings. The horses were very well groomed, and looked stately in their shining black coats. The carriage itself was ornately decorated and Charlotte was in no doubt that someone of consequence was within it. She glanced over at Mr. Collins just in time enough to notice his low bow in the direction of the carriage.

Mr. Collins finished his bow, and went to go tend his cabbages once more, but not before informing Charlotte, "A friend of her esteemed Ladyship's is always most welcome to Hunsford."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Later that day Charlotte came downstairs – all dressed to depart for Rosings, with her hair done up beautifully once again by the maid referred by Lady Catherine – to find Mr. Collins pacing and muttering to himself. Undoubtedly he had not realized she had come into the room.

"…yes such a beautifully arranged sitting room, just for the party…the gardens in the park most flourishing…Anne is born to be a duchess…this dish is particularly pleasing to the palate…my Ladyship, you have deprived the British court of its brightest ornament by keeping Anne out of town…yes I thank you, the cabbages –

"Oh there you are Charlotte!" Mr. Collins exclaimed with not a hint of embarrassment. "I have just been practicing offering a few delicate compliments, which are always acceptable to her Ladyship. Indeed this sort of attention I conceive myself particularly bound to pay. Normally, Charlotte, these arise from the impulse of the moment, but as you were not down yet, I was arranging some elegant compliments that I can bestow upon her Ladyship tonight. Even Mr. Bennet – whom I must say has almost as good an opinion as Lady Catherine herself – told me once 'You judge very properly, and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy.' Dear Charlotte, perhaps we should arrange some compliments for you on our walk to Rosings."

Charlotte decided to humor him, but resolved to say nothing, and the couple left for Rosings Park.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Collinses were some of the first to arrive, much to Mr. Collins' satisfaction. Indeed, the only other people there were Mr. and Mrs. Darcy, Lady Catherine, Anne, Mrs. Jenkinson, and some man whom Charlotte did not know standing by Anne. They were all assembled in the room Lady Catherine frequently sat in, for it was a rather large sitting room that could hold a good deal of people. Charlotte herself was almost in awe of how much grandeur had been added to the room, just for the sake of the party. She was glad she had worn her good dress.

Mr. Collins lost no time in greeting her ladyship, and thanking her profusely for her advice on his cabbages. He assured her ladyship repeatedly – Charlotte counted six times – that he had never seen such cabbages. Their introduction was rather long due to Mr. Collins offering apologies and thanks more often than what might have been thought strictly necessary. Once he was done talking, Charlotte made her way over to the Darcy's, not wishing to be called on her opinion of the flourishing cabbages.

After exchanging pleasantries Elizabeth exclaimed, "I am sorry we were not able to visit you yesterday Charlotte. We were quite held up here."

"Oh that is alright Lizzy, after all it's not everyday that Mrs. Darcy comes to call. I am quite able to make due on my own."

"Quite right," said Elizabeth with a smile.

"Pray, do you know whom that man is who is standing by Miss de Bourgh? Lady Catherine didn't introduce him once we arrived."

"No I in fact do not, and I do not think Mr. Darcy does either, unless he and his aunt are in some confidence without me," was her playful reply.

"I can assure both of you, that I know nothing of the man, nor have I seen him before. Please do not assume I would willingly keep secrets from you with my aunt."

"Secrets indeed," muttered Elizabeth and turning to Charlotte added, "It does seem that there is some sort of secret still going on, for Lady Catherine has not yet explained this man's presence, and he arrived rather early today."

"Ah yes, Mr. Collins and I chanced to see his carriage pass the parsonage while we were inspecting the cabbages."

"Which, I here, are doing very well indeed, Charlotte."

"Yes, quite."

"If you two ladies would care to know, since we seem to have a mystery on our hands, I believe I possess a clue as to this man's identity."

"And would you be so kind as to enlighten us?" asked Elizabeth archly.

"Perhaps, but only for something in return."

"Whatever can he mean, Charlotte? Do you think we should oblige him?"

"I do not know Eliza, maybe we should ask him to give us insight into that which he asks in return."

"Very well. Mr. Darcy, please illustrate more explicitly your requirements."

"If you so wish _Mrs._ Darcy, but I must warn you, it is quite long. First off, Mrs. Darcy is required to venture to my room tonight, for having avoided Lady Catherine the whole of today, she has undoubtedly gained much knowledge of the house and can no longer use that as a viable excuse." Charlotte saw Elizabeth blush at this, but Mr. Darcy continued, "Furthermore the two of you shall –"

"What are you three talking about so secretly over there? Come, I must have my share in it." Lady Catherine, having exhausted the subject of cabbages from Mr. Collins, was now seeking new items to discuss.

"Mr. Darcy," she continued having captured the room's attention, "Observe Anne. Do you not think she looks uncommonly well this evening?"

Charlotte glanced at Miss de Bourgh. Indeed, normally Anne was so pale and sickly looking, but tonight there was color in her visage. She had never been plain, but due to her ill health, her features were always insignificant. Charlotte wondered if Miss de Bourgh was recovering, for tonight she looked rather pretty.

Being so forced into answering, Mr. Darcy replied that she did, but whispered to Elizabeth something Charlotte could not hear. Seeing that Elizabeth looked pleased she surmised it must have been a compliment to Elizabeth's looks being more so uncommonly well than Anne's.

Mr. Collins, wishing to add his compliments, exclaimed, "Ah yes, your Ladyship, Anne does look very pretty this evening. I've always said she was born to be a duchess and –"

The stranger looked up at this, but Lady Catherine continued without interruption.

"Why are you whispering over there, Darcy? I say, we should refrain from the intimacy of whispering; it ruins the mood of the party. What was that Anne?"

With Lady Catherine's attention occupied by her dear daughter, Charlotte was allowed to continue her conversation with the Darcy's. Turning around, she saw the two were still looking embarrassed from Lady Catherine's last comment. "What were you saying about that man over there, Mr. Darcy?" Charlotte asked to continue their previous conversation.

"Oh yes. Well I shall just tell you then. I discovered the back of his carriage sported his coat of arms. Above the shield I noticed a coronet. I did not recognize which rank it was, but you can be sure he is a man with peerage."

"How strange," said Elizabeth. "Undoubtedly Lady Catherine wishes to introduce him once all the guests arrive. But I do wonder why he has come."

After this enlightenment, the remainder of the guests arrived, and quite soon, the room was full. Lady Catherine never left her seat-like throne to great her guests; rather, she expected them to come and pay their respects to her. Charlotte soon left the Darcy's for they were called on by Lady Catherine to be introduced to various persons of importance. During this time, Mr. Collins was making his rounds about the room, introducing himself to each guest in attendance, and informing them that he was so lucky as to have Lady Catherine as a patroness. Therefore Charlotte spent much of the evening alone, but enjoying herself. She was introduced to several of the guests, including the charming Mr. and Mrs. Edmund Bertram who had very recently been married. Mr. Bertram had just received orders himself, so Mrs. Bertram and Charlotte took time discussing their daily duties as wives of clergymen. Charlotte was also introduced to a Mr. and Mrs. George Knightley. They had a lively discussion on the subject of governesses, though Charlotte had never had one herself. She also talked with Colonel Fitzwilliam, who Lady Catherine had also invited. Charlotte learned that he was engaged to a Miss Meyrick, who was to inherit twenty thousand pounds. In fact, Charlotte talked to so many guests that before long, it was time for dinner.

The dinner itself was exceedingly handsome, and although Charlotte was not next to Mr. Collins (for sitting next to your husband or wife is looked down upon), she could her him praise every dish that passed through his mouth. Somewhere half way through the delicious meal, Lady Catherine stood up, as if to make a toast. Mr. Collins would have stood up as well if he had not chanced upon Charlotte's disapproving look.

"Now that I have the party's attention," her Ladyship began, "It is my wish to introduce the young gentleman sitting next to me. I am sure you have been very curious as to who he is, and for good reason. It is my great honor to introduce his grace, the Duke of Kent, Lord Rossington, who consequently, is to be married to my daughter, Anne de Bourgh this coming September."

A/N Oh a cliffy. Except not really cause nothing else interesting was going to happen at the party…so please share your thoughts good/bad if you feel so inclined ^^

You have no idea how long I researched dukes and then decided to just make one up completely heh heh….

Sorry this chapter was a little short…But I just felt like ending it there…Lord Rossington will be here for a while so don't worry. Ah and just so we are all on the same page, this is why Lady Catherine invited the Darcy's: to brag. Basically she has gotten over Mr. Darcy's not marrying Anne because Lord Rossington has much more consequence than him being a duke. Which of course will make Anne a duchess (haha Mr. Collins was right!).

Oh and sorry that half of this chapter was on the subject of cabbages – I couldn't help myself….


	6. A Dreary Day

The Collinses

**A/N Okay, okay I have no excuses this time. Well I'm sure I could come up with some, but that would be wasting everyone's time haha. Hopefully you enjoy this chapter ^^**

**Disclaimer: If I were Jane Austen I'd be a good deal more witty. Lord Rossington and this fanfic are mine however. **

Chapter 6 – A Dreary Day

Today was Thursday, and it had been raining ever since Charlotte had woken up. Or rather, Mr. Collins had woken Charlotte up to exclaim that it was raining.

"Wife! Wife! You must awaken. You will never guess –"

"What is it Mr. Collins?"

"Why take a glance out the window. It is raining! Can you believe it?"

"It does tend to rain on occasion Mr. Collins." Charlotte was not taking kindly to having been woken up for such a ridiculous reason.

"No, no, what I mean to say is this. Only that her esteemed Ladyship, Lady Catherine de Bourgh told me just yesterday 'I say Mr. Collins, the skies are looking rather dull, you will have a good deal of rain for your cabbages on the morrow'. Not only is her ladyship always civil, but she is adept at predicting the weather. It is a very fine skill. I always say so…"

As the rain had shown no sign of letting up, the Collinses settled in for a confined day at the parsonage. After successfully conveying her Ladyship's fulfilled prediction to Charlotte, Mr. Collins hurried off to his study, where he planned to read _Fordyce's Sermons_ in preparation for this coming Sunday. With his own prodigious skill and the help of divine inspiration, he hoped to give a pleasing sermon on the topic of marriages, in honor of Miss de Bourgh.

Charlotte however, could find no useful employment. Rearranging furnishings would not do for she was still rather tired from being woken up so early. She also tried reading her book but soon found she could not focus her thoughts on what she was reading. They kept wandering back to the events of the party the night before. Indeed, the thoughts that most occupied her mind had to do with Lord Rossington.

After the announcement of the engagement, Charlotte had observed him rather closely as to make out his character. Of course there had been the general astonishment, followed by the hurried congratulations and wishes for the best of health and happiness. Soon the talk was whether one thought his Chrisitan name, James, was very handsome or not. Before long, it was claimed a very good match by all. Anne would elevate to higher society and gain the title of duchess, and as Anne came from an esteemed family and possessed a considerable dowry (rumored to be as much, if not more so than her cousin, Georgiana Darcy) it must be a good match for his Lordship as well.

Charlotte had concluded that Lord Rossington must be in love with Anne. He did not want fortune himself and from what she had observed of him he was not so obsessed with money as some who marry just to increase their already ample livelihood. No, Charlotte believed he was considerably attached to Miss de Bourgh. He certainly looked like a romantic, and Charlotte found she could easily believe he would marry for love. His Grace was a tall man with a gentleman's appearance. He had handsome features, but in a more subtle, boyish way that must improve upon acquaintance. His eyes were a piercing blue, but rather than looking cold as eyes this color sometimes do, they made him look kind and pleasant.

Whether Anne was in love with him or not was the more difficult question that called for a much more complex answer. Anne, having been raised as an heiress and doted upon by her mother, was unused to having her own say in matters. Her own inclement health only added to this fact. Consequently, Lady Catherine's opinions tended to become her own. In the matter of Lord Rossington's courtship, it must be assumed that Lady Catherine was so supportive of the good match that it was impossible to disagree, especially when someone such as Anne had no previous experience going against the will of her mother. Nevertheless Anne was not a simpleton enough to refuse a duke; with the constant reassurances of her mother she surely felt all the good luck of the match. Whatever Anne's feelings were, though uncertain, they were absolutely in favor of Lord Rossington.

While Charlotte was sitting in her parlor she began to realize how it was somewhat silly of her to be contemplating the love between a couple. It was not exactly her business. But it was the talk of the day – she was sure – of all who had attended Rosings the previous night. Even still, had not Charlotte once told Lizzy that happiness in marriage was entirely a matter of chance? And Anne had never seemed like a romantic – much like Charlotte herself. But perhaps they were not so similar as she had thought. After all, Miss de Bourgh could afford (quite literally) to marry for love if it was her inclination. Charlotte however, had been a burden to her family and had no fortune. She married for situation, but was still quite happy for her choice.

A sudden sound of a chair scraping the floor interrupted Charlotte's reverie. She heard Mr. Collins exclaim something about a need of paper, and then hurried footsteps undoubtedly in search of some. There was a rustle, a mutter of divine inspiration, and more chair scraping. The silence that would have greeted Charlotte was marred by the scribbles of pen on paper, but she soon adjusted.

It was a curious thing how the two met, thought Charlotte. Mrs. Jenkins had convinced her Ladyship that exercise and new surroundings would improve Anne's inclement health a great deal. Lady Catherine would not allow her daughter to go all the way to London – it was too crowded, noisy, and dirty to be considered at all beneficial to one's health – and Bath was rejected because it was all too far and Lady Catherine would not be away from her parish that long (and she _would_ be coming). Therefore they only went to the town of Kent, which was not at all far with Rosings being only in Hunsford. And so the de Bourgh's visited and condescended upon many balls and parties. They kept good company and in a very small amount of time they were introduced to people of rank, who were curious to see the mysterious Anne de Bourgh out at last. Miss de Bourgh came across the path of Lord Rossington, and he took to her immediately. After forming an acquaintance, he invited the de Bourgh's to his estate Rowena Castle constantly, and before long the proposal was made, and the engagement set. Charlotte had learned the previous night that this was to be Lord Rossington's first stay at Rosings Park. Undoubtedly Lady Catherine would want to impress him with Rosing's grandeur.

Charlotte very much wished to know what Lizzy thought of the man, but as the skies continued their downpour relentlessly, there was very little hope of a visit. In fact, Charlotte was sure that it was raining harder than it was originally. Now there were many flashes and rumbles that promoted the weather to the status of a storm.

"Did you hear that wife?!" Mr. Collins yelled after one particularly loud thunderclap.

"Yes I did chance to hear it Mr. Collins. You must remember that this is a storm, and storms tend to be accompanied by loud noises." Charlotte was unsure if Mr. Collins could hear her for there had been another thunderous interruption.

"That is exactly what I say! Why the other day her Ladyship told me –"

"You have already mentioned that Mr. Collins!"

" – 'the skies are looking rather dull' – " thankfully the rest of Mr. Collins reply was drowned out by another clap of thunder. Charlotte picked up her book, deciding to give reading another chance.

"Charlotte." Mr. Collins was directly behind his wife, having entered the room unnoticed due to the noise and Charlotte's attention to her book. She was quite startled, and made a sound.

"I did not see you there Mr. Collins."

"No I can be very light on my feet if need be. In fact, it is always so. For instance, I can simply flit around on a dance floor. Lady Catherine herself has praised me for my lightness of feet. I always find that in gardening I must also keep my steps light if I do not wish to disturb the little creatures that find home in the garden of my humble abode."

"Is there something you wanted Mr. Collins?"

"Now that you mention it Charlotte I am worried about Anne de Bourgh. Do you think it very likely that all this noise will disturb her health? I do not wish her to be ill once more."

"No I do not think it likely for storms to have the power to produce illnesses, unless the person in question is outside. Then it may be very likely that they will suffer from a cold."

"That is exactly what I say wife! But then I will share with Anne my wisdom. I shall go to her directly."

"No Mr. Collins, I would much rather you not. You see, then you would be the one outside and receiving a cold."

"You mean well wife," he replied with a bit of a simper, "but allowances must be made for the de Bourgh's. I shall attend to them at once!"

And Mr. Collins would have, much to Charlotte's horror, if not for Helen's timely interruption.

"Pardon me Mr. and Mrs. Collins, but there is a man here to see you. I shall bring him in at once."

The Collinses barely had time to compose themselves before their visitor was announced.

"His grace, the Duke of Kent, Lord Rossington."

Both were exceedingly astonished, but Charlotte recovered first.

"Your grace," she replied with a curtsy.

Mr. Collins followed suit though admittedly he bowed a few more times than strictly necessary. In fact, the civilities were very drawn out for his Lordship appeared to enjoy them as much as Mr. Collins.

Lord Rossington was very solicitous in manner, asking a few times for their pardon for not properly giving them advance notice of his call. He regretted it deeply. He hoped they did not think him always so hurried in his decisions. Naturally this was denied profusely by both Mr. Collins and the occasional Charlotte, and so the civilities continued on.

During this time, Charlotte was continuing her attempts to sketch his Grace's character. From what she had observed, he was all properness and etiquette. These manners existed in such copious amounts that it seemed very likely to Charlotte that his Lordship possessed some absurdity about him. Only time, she reasoned, would tell for sure. With such things settled, she returned to the conversation.

"Indeed, it is no trouble your Grace," Charlotte began, "but I am curious as how you traveled to us in the storm."

"Why, dear Miss de Bourgh's mother lent me her carriage. It was very good of her to do so, and I must say I was anxious to see you."

But the more interesting second remark had to be ignored at first.

"Excuse me, your Lordship, but you should say _one_ of her Ladyship's carriages, for she has several."

"Oh! Pardon me my good sir. I was careless in my remark. If I had thought it through – you do not blame me?"

"No, no, pardon _me_, your Lordship. The last thing I wanted to imply was that I was blaming you for ignorance! No! I merely wished to point out the discrepancy. I feel it is my particular duty, as Lady Catherine de Bourgh is my esteemed patroness."

"That is right to say, I commend you for it. I trust you forgive me for my ignorance?"

"Ignorance? I dare say that is not the word I wished to use, but rather used that because I believed that was how you viewed it yourself!"

"Your forgiveness, Mr. Collins?"

"Well, then your Lordship, you most certainly have my forgiveness. It is a common mistake. And as long as you are repentant and do not make it once more, the Lord your God shall not hold it against you."

"These words set my soul at peace – thank you Mr. Collins."

"No, no, thank you your Lordship. I am particularly bound to pay this duty as I am a clergyman."

"My dear Anne's mother seems to have been wise in her choice of clergyman. I trust you are very able and I look forward to hearing you speak this coming Sunday."

"Oh thank you, thank you. Her Ladyship is so very astute and judicious in all matters of the church. All prudence, I say."

"Let us not forget, Mr. Collins, her kindness in lending me _one_ of her carriages. Surely she is also full of sympathy."

"Why yes, that is exactly what I say!"

Here, Charlotte endeavored to bring the conversation out of the realm of the ridiculous.

"Excuse me for the interruption, my good sirs…"

"You are most readily excused, my good lady," was his Lordship's proper reply.

"In that case, I was wondering why you were so very anxious to call on us."

"Mrs. Collins, I was anxious to call for I had to pay you and your husband the due respect, and I confess myself most curious to visit Mr. Collin's vast cabbages that I heard so much of last night."

"Oh! my Lordship, this is most solicitous of you – would you care to see them now?"

"Mr. Collins!" Charlotte exclaimed, "please try not to forget it is raining, and both of you shall catch colds if you venture outside."

"Your concern is most refreshing my good lady. I shall take your warning to heart. Pray tell, does Mr. Collins know of a window the cabbages can be viewed by?"

"Why yes your Lordship, there is one just in the study. Let us make haste!" Mr. Collins was eager to show the interested duke his pride and joy: the cabbages.

"Yes, yes make haste!" cried Lord Rossington, equally enjoying himself. "Are you coming Mrs. Collins?"

"Well I was not planning –"

"Pardon the interruption, my good lady, but we are making haste. I shall offer you my arm so we can get there faster." Without any further wait for a reply from Charlotte, his Grace placed her arm securely in his and set off at a fast gait after Mr. Collins. With this pace set they soon reached the study.

"If your Lordship just takes a glance out of the window of my humble abode you shall see my cabbages."

"I say! Those are marvelous cabbages. I must admit I was not entirely convinced despite all the praise they were receiving. But now I am without a doubt that these are the greatest cabbages in existence. I congratulate you. Perhaps you have considered putting them in a fair?"

"No, no, your Lordship. Her Ladyship's approval is more than enough recognition for a humble clergyman of my status."

"Your cabbages are not the only things needing praise. That is a very humble reply, fitting for a clergyman. I commend you for it."

"Thank you, thank you your Lordship. But need I remind you that none of this would have been possible without the advice of her Ladyship?"

"But of course. Dear Anne's mother is all affability."

"Why that is exactly what I say!"

"But this talk of Lady Catherine has reminded me I have a message from her. I would have relayed it sooner, but I was most anxious to see the cabbages the world is talking about. I apologize most sincerely. Here is the note. I must also bid you farewell for now I am most anxious to see Anne again and I promised her I would return as soon as humanly possible. I regret the hasty exist, but I have hope you will forgive me once again. Good day Mr. Collins, Mrs. Collins." With a last bow Lord Rossington left the study.

Mr. Collins was already reading the note. Luckily there was no sealed envelope to cause any trouble.

"The best of news wife!"

"What is it Mr. Collins?"

"Her Ladyship sends a most civil invitation for us to dine with their party tomorrow. So civil! And after just being at Rosings this past evening… Her Ladyship is too kind, but we must accept of course. Yes very civil."

"It is a good note Mr. Collins."

"That is exactly what I say, Charlotte."

"Well Mr. Collins, what did you think of Lord Rossington?"

"His Lordship is a good sort of fellow, and I dare say _almost_, but not quite, as affable as my esteemed patroness Lady Catherine de Bourgh."

**A/N This is a historic moment for it is the first time Mr. Collins has had the last say in one of my chapters. ^^**

**I hope it was worth waiting for. Please share your thoughts, critics, and opinions by reviewing! I would very much like to hear what you think of his Grace, the Duke of Kent, Lord Rossington. **

**Sorry the cabbages returned once again. And sorry that Mr. Collins has said 'that is exactly what I say' probably six times in this chapter. I could not help myself.**


End file.
